more mixed feelings....

[scottobear]

In my local news. - -

Convicted molester seeks OK to marry

A woman begged a Broward circuit judge Thursday for permission to marry the man she loves: John Medlock, convicted child molester.

His fiancée, Katherine Anderson, says she wants to marry Medlock as soon as possible and have him move in with her and her children, a 10-year-old boy and a 12-year-old girl.

Anderson told Circuit Judge Marc Gold that she was aware of her fiancé's prison record.

``Before we even started dating, he showed me all of his paperwork,'' Anderson said. ``He's a wonderful man. He's about to be ordained as a minister at our church.''

the whole story is here-

Now, he's served what the law feels is his time... and I think that he should have the right to marry, if the family is willing to accept him... but I honestly don't think I could forget his past. Forgiving an admitted sexual predator? I don't know if I could. I know I wouldn't want the wedding happening to someone I cared deeply about... I'd have trouble working in the same office with the guy. I get angry just thinking about it.

Comments

[absolution.livejournal.com]

stephin merritt mentioned somewhere that he couldn't get over that convicted felons could marry, but homosexuals could not.

Re:

[scottobear.livejournal.com]

There's a connection I don't want to make... It assumes that homosexuals are inherently "bad, but not as bad" as a convicted criminal.

I hear what is being said, though.

Re:

[absolution.livejournal.com]

(nod) i've thought in circles about that, too.

but it is still there, to think about in that frame for a moment, or no.

i find it so difficult to train my mind to see things in a way that, well, indicates i'm at least striving to see things in a proper form...i don't know.

(pause)

Re:

[scottobear.livejournal.com]

Understood. There's certainly a reflex action there.

[burgundy.livejournal.com]

I have absolutely no problem with the idea of this guy marrying. If she wants to be dumb, that's her bag.

But - he should not, under any circumstances, be allowed around children. That's all there is to it. You want to forgive someone for one of the most heinous acts imaginable? Fine. But that doesn't mean you give them a chance to do it again.

A friend of mine was separated from his wife for a time, and she left her daughter (his stepdaughter) at the kid's grandfather for a while. And it made him crazy, because this was the man who had molested this woman when she was a child. But because she and her sister forgave him, it was ok to leave her daughter there. That is so wrong.

You can say what you want about serving your time, paying your debt to society, etc. But I think there some things that jail time does not atone for, and after you've done them, you simply cannot be treated like a normal human being. The crime is too great, and the risk of repitiion is too high.

Sorry for the long response. I feel very strongly about this.

Re:

[scottobear.livejournal.com]

you're quite right for feeling strongly about it. Some crimes deserve (in my opinion) a complete revocation of certain rights, regardless of the time served. How to apply this, I'm not sure.

[lique.livejournal.com]

"Things No One Really Needed to Know About My Family" My aunt recently married a man who was convicted of molesting his daughter many years ago, for which he still is under court ordered councelling, thus I've had cause to consider my stance on the issue. In thinking about it, I realized that I wasn't willing to hold grudges against him for a past I know little of and was perfectly willing to offer him the proverbial clean slate. And then I heard my aunt mention that her husband would really, really like to have more children. And suddenly my clean slate went right out the window.

Here's my thinking ::: I will offer people 90% clean slates. People convicted of certain crimes have to understand though that if they wish to not be viewed as harmful, there are certain things they're going to have to accept they can not do and/or have. If this woman were without children, great! There's the ninety percent. No one who's ever been convicted of such a thing should even think about being involved with someone who has kids though. Just like I wouldn't want to be alone with a rapist, I wouldn't want to ever put children into contact with a molestor. It's just common sense ...

criminals who marry...

[scottobear.livejournal.com]

How does a person enforce that sort of thing, though?

Re: criminals who marry...

[lique.livejournal.com]

They don't. I wish they could, but we'd have to restructure huge chunks of the legal system, which still does nothing for people's mindsets and insecurities. You can't makes laws for all things.

Personally, I think we need to make a concentrated effort to simply teach people to give more of a damn about themselves than all of that. Though this is just my opinion, I'm guessing the woman in question has self esteem issues sky high and feels on a certain subconscious level that (a) she's not worth anything without a man, and (b) this man is the best she's worth either way. If she didn't feel that way, it would be a non-issue ... she'd be able to look at his possible relationship with her children more objectively. And keep them safer for it.

Re: criminals who marry...

[scottobear.livejournal.com]

Quite possible. She also might be a very forgiving and kind person, actually willing to give this guy a second chance (something I wouldn't be able to do) Hard for me to second-guess the woman's motives.

Re: criminals who marry...

[burgundy.livejournal.com]

This is the difference between law and justice. Law can be enforced the same for everyone. Justice must be individual. So the legal system of a society as large as ours will not be just all the time, because it can't get personal.

It is possible that a convicted child molester did get "turned around." But the prison system in this country is not set up for rehabilitation. And this likely was not a one-time thing. Most people don't get caught for the first offense. So that raises the question of just how strong a habit this was. And the problems that lead to molestation are pretty significant issues. That's a hard thing to work out on your own. I'm willing to accept the possibility of a reformed molester, but I'd need a lot of convincing. This isn't something I can take on faith.

This is not an issue that the legal system is set up to handle. I agree that if people in general were better educated and emotionally healthier, we wouldn't have to worry so much. But there are too many instances of mothers putting their kids at risk because they consider the man in their life more important. And that, while potentially legal, is not at all just.

Re: criminals who marry...

[scottobear.livejournal.com]

a well thought out, and powerful point... A pity it can't be put down on paper for correction.

Re: criminals who marry...

[burgundy.livejournal.com]

for correction? Do you mean so it can be corrected, or so it can do the correcting?

Re: criminals who marry...

[scottobear.livejournal.com]

so it can do the correcting.

Well...

[laurak.livejournal.com]

I'm going to go against the grain a little here. I do agree that the man committed a terrible, horrible crime, and he will be living with the consequences of that for the rest of his life. But, I personally believe that it can be possible for someone to turn themselves around. I'm not saying that every single person who says they're "cured" is cured, but I do feel that it is not an impossible thing.

I agree with what Burgundy said, that if the woman wants to marry this man and potentially make a huge mistake, then that is her right. Perhaps the man should be required to undergo a psychological evaluation before he can marry? Perhaps a condition of their marriage should be monthly visits from social services to ensure the safety and well-being of the children? Maybe, just maybe, this man has in fact turned himself around. I know that I have a "rosy" view of things and that the world cannot be the perfect place I wish it was. I just believe that perhaps society shouldn't be so quick to judge anyone for trying to turn their life around.

I'll prepare myself for the insults and flames now...

Re: Well...

[canuckgirl.livejournal.com]

...if the woman wants to marry this man and potentially make a huge mistake, then that is her right.

I'm totally with you on this one. BUT, it's not just her life that could be screwed up. It's her 10 and 12 year old children that could be at risk.

Even if he (and everyone else) thinks he's reformed, I imagine having those 2 kids around would be a great temptation.

I'm scared for the children...

Re: Well...

[laurak.livejournal.com]

I hear what you're saying. I agree that it could be a big temptation for him having the kids in such close proximity. I still would hope that a mother would not do anything that she didn't believe in her heart would not harm her children. But I know that stupidity can sometimes know no boundaries...

Re: Well...

[scottobear.livejournal.com]

No flames, it's nice that you can be that forgiving... I don't know If I could. I'd certainly have social services keeping a close eye on the situation, though. It would be wonderful if he got his head on straight... I just don't know if it's worth the risk.

Re: Child Molesters --

[scottobear.livejournal.com]

castration rarely fixes the problem, unfortunately. Like other forms of rape, molesters often get the pleasure from the power trip of having someone under their total control. A knife to the heart is a far more effective solution.