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Sep. 29th, 2001 06:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
scottobear
I hope she's ok... I'm assuming she's off reading, doing chores or working on something else, and just forgot that she'd said that she would be "back in a sec". I'm feeling a little sad today. Things aren't clicking the way they should, and it's depressing me.
{update} She got sick! :( poor thing had a worse day than me... I *knew* something was up. stupid me for whining about little things.
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Date: 2001-09-29 03:30 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2001-09-29 03:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2001-09-29 03:33 pm (UTC)hope things get better for you fast
It's a long shot
Date: 2001-09-29 04:08 pm (UTC)Dear Tech Support,
Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many
other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation
8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've
tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of only limited effectiveness. Can you help, please!!
Sincerely,
XXX
Dear XXX,
This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package.
However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do
this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed. Any new
program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common, and a normal part of
Husband 1.0.
In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0. Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support." You will notice that this program runs very poorly,
and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system. Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command "C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME". Sometimes Tears 6.2
must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and flowers/Chocolates 7.8.
TECH TIP!
Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\ I APOLOGIZE
command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, to Beer 6.0.
Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly files and SnoringLoudly wave files that are very hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip!
It's a long shot 2
Date: 2001-09-29 04:08 pm (UTC)Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all
the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in
conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly.
After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings 2.1,
Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.
A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will cause
selective shutdown of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.
I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years.
We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!
Tech Support
Follow-up mail from tech support:
Dear XXX,
Your Husband 1.0 has been infected with the Mistress 2.1 virus. Try Divorce 3.5 to remove present headaches.
Tech support
Re: It's a long shot
Date: 2001-09-29 04:13 pm (UTC)Re: It's a long shot
Date: 2001-09-29 04:20 pm (UTC)Re: It's a long shot
Date: 2001-09-29 04:35 pm (UTC)a joke for you
Date: 2001-09-29 04:38 pm (UTC)A: Three. One to report it as an inspired government program to bring light to the people, one to report it as a diabolical government plot to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a pulitzer prize for reporting that the Electric Company hired a lightbulb-assassin to break the bulb in the first place.
Re: a joke for you
Date: 2001-09-29 05:03 pm (UTC)How many windows programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
answer -
none. they just establish Darkness(tm) as the new industry standard.