People expect happiness to happen to them. I think that something great will happen and then I'll be happy. So, I'm always waiting for it to happen tomorrow, or later today, or just after I complete this next task. What I'm learning is that happiness is a practice. I can practice it all the time. If I practice being happy, noticing what is in the way of that, learning, adapting, and growing, then I get better at being happy. I can accept it as it comes, in big gushes or small trickles, like a batter being ready for both the slow ball or the fast pitch. It happens through me, instead of to me.
My capacity for happiness is also important. When something great happens, my capacity for being happy needs to be big enough to truly appreciate and be fulfilled by those great things that happen. The space needs to be clear of disappointment, sadness, or anger so there's room for satisfaction and contentment. I need to make room to be "full-filled". Maybe that's why sometimes, when I am happy, my eyes well up with tears. It's as if I'm not emptied of enough frustration or sorrow to have room for all the satisfaction coming in and the suffering leaks out of me like a bittersweet purge.
I am making room for that big kind of happiness, by turning on the lights inside and looking around at what needs to be cleaned out of my personal house. Real happiness must be about the journey, made moment by moment. When my journey is a truly happy one, the destination can be fulfillment and satisfaction.
It occurs to me that this entry may seem like a trite and cheery side conversation or bit of glib advice. I just want to take a second to clarify. As I’ve said before, when I share what I'm thinking about, it's not meant as advice or as an answer to any of life's questions. For me, answers are the consolation prize and I don't claim to have any answers worth clinging to. I'm just thinking out loud and if people get something from it, I'm glad. I write because it feels good and helps me find clarity.
Also, far from a conversational side trip, I try to stay in the awareness that the discussion of happiness and freedom from suffering is pretty much the ONLY conversation humans are ever deeply preoccupied with. All passionate discussions boil down to the pursuit of happiness. Don't take my word for it though. I'm just some guy who writes stuff. 
I just think pat and simple answers, delivered in bite-sized, Dr. Phil advice-doses are bandaids for an emotionally crippled culture, ravenous to consume a quick fix. Let me put it this way. Why is it that if I suggest to someone, "How about you think about things that make you happy for a full half hour tonight?" it sounds fluffy and namby-pamby? (It does. Doesn’t it?) But if, on the other hand, I say, "Hey man, have a couple beers, light up a fatty, play the cool new video game, have some casual sex, order a tasty delivery pizza, or watch that awesome movie." then all those pay-per-use and instant gratification activities sound cool, acceptable and desirable. And, we’re barely even enjoying those addictions of convenience anymore, as we continually junk up on them. We're all so dead in this culture that we would rather plug into something else or pop a pill to numb us than face ourselves and our joy muscles are atrophying.
There’s nothing horribly wrong with all that. It’s just the way it is. It’s just what’s so. I think, however, that an audacious few would rather live into what could be over settling for what simply is.
But, don't believe any of this nonsense. Go do something and be happy. Flex and tone the raw anatomy of your contentment. If you are happy, then it's working. If you're still not happy, then stop lying to yourself that you are. Quit settling for that delusion. You're probably just stuck in more nonsense. Try something else. Start small, but be honest. Find something tiny but real. Be unreasonable about it. I think that ultimately, happiness dwells most readily in the unreasonable heart. Just my thoughts. Don't get stuck in them. They're more nonsense.
Originally published at The Scotto Grotto. You can comment here or there.
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