Why don't I ever see this in the classifieds?

[scottobear]

"I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists!"

-Hedley Lamarr, Blazing Saddles, Recruitment Flyer

I think I could qualify as a desperado, or play the part of a thug.

(Why is it I can recite that from memory, but I can't remember what year my mom was born in unless I count on my fingers?)